I was reminded today, as I shared my story with a friend, of how much God has changed me. It is always important to remember where I have come from and where God has taken me in my journey with Him.
I can only remember one name of anyone I knew from my grade school years: Patty Gillagotte. Patty was in my first grade class. She was tall, had long blonde hair, and a great figure (for a 6 year old) and the boy I liked liked her!! Next to her I felt fat, ugly, short, and unwanted. This comparing myself to others and feeling “not enough” started early and continued.
I will not bore you with the why’s but my life was full of feeling that I was not enough or too much. Therefore, I lived to prove that I was ok and that I mattered and I was enough!!
Fast forward to freshman year of college. My roommate was a part of some of the Christian groups on campus and through her I met many of the students involved in those groups. They talked about their faith and being a Christian. I considered myself a Christian too. However, as I got to know these students (and especially the cute guys!) it seemed to me that they knew something that I didn’t know. Their lives attracted me and made me curious to know why they were so different.
One of these nice guys talked to me one nice spring day on the campus quad. He shared a booklet with me explaining what it meant to be a Christian. Wow. I learned some things! Like why Jesus came, why He died, why He rose and what it had to do with me!! I learned what sin really meant and that I needed to make a decision with my will to enter into a relationship with God.
It amazed me that I COULD even know God personally! An idea that was new to me. It took me about 6 months before I made this decision but when I did, life was never the same!!
My spiritual journey has been about God convincing me that I am enough. That He delights in me just the way I am and created me this way. That He sees me and listens to me cause I matter to Him more than I could ever understand. He has given me rest. Rest in who I am, rest in who He is, rest in all He allows in my life, Rest in what the future will bring. I am still learning and growing and He is right next to me cheering me on with a smile of delight on His face . I am so thankful!!