Sadly, I admit that my frequent phrase was, “God is in His Heaven and I’m here on Earth. He does His thing and I do mine!” Yes, I thought I was in control and was convinced that I was no sinner. I had no vices and generally did the right thing, but was a very self-centered, prideful, and angry person. It was all about ME!
In reality, I was empty inside. Life had no meaning and there was no purpose in living. Quite often I contemplated suicide but easily wore a happiness mask. I showed disregard for others but enjoyed babysitting my older sister’s children.
So, one day, my sister and brother-in-law drove me to their house to babysit. However, before reaching their house they parked at a church building and announced that they were going to a church service and I could sit in the car if I preferred. Well, of course, I was going to sit in the car. I had been conned! “Who wants to go to church?”, I thought.
After an hour of sitting in the car alone, it started getting cold and I decided to drag myself inside. I made sure my demeanor reflected my irritation.
After listening a bit, I knew they had something I desperately needed. I heard about God’s unconditional love for me and how He sent Jesus to be sacrificed for my sins, cleansing and redeeming me back to Him and adopting me into His family. He also promised to never leave, nor forsake me. No longer would I be separated from God.
You see my parents divorced when I was in my early teens and each one went their separate way. I felt alone and abandoned. And now for the first time, I heard of God loving me so much that He was willing to die for me so that I could have communion with Him.
Wow, wow, I couldn’t think of anyone who was ever willing to die for me. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t be such an ingrate and reject such love. A battle ensued inside of me. I wanted to respond to the call to accept Jesus into my heart, but I was fearful of what others might think.
Finally, nothing mattered! All that mattered was this unconditional loving God calling me to Himself to bless, guide, and give me purpose for living. I literally ran to the altar.
Brought up in Catholic traditions, I had no intimate relationship with God, nor any knowledge of His Word. But the next day, when I opened a Bible for the first time, God’s wonderful promise spoke clearly to my heart: Isaiah 41:10 Fear not (Nancy) for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you. I will support you with my victorious right hand. I wept knowing that God had delivered me from darkness, spiritual blindness and brought me to His marvelous of Light.
I often use the analogy of the metamorphosis process of a butterfly to describe my experience. God transformed me from a caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly. Only by His grace.
Ephesians 2:1-5: “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace, you have been saved…”
I am so grateful for God’s indescribable gift. Accept His gift today, it is never too late!